Week One

So technically this is week three because I found out about my ACL tear a week ago and tore it a week before that, but I want to blog this experience because I really want to make this time around more about Jesus and less about myself getting sympathy.
It's so great to be home, but it has been incredible to witness the Holy Spirit reminding me that wherever He is, that is where my home is. It has nothing to do with the people that surround me or the beautiful mountains that unfold as I continue into Redmond. It solely rests in Jesus and where He wants me. Being here has made me realize more and more how much excess that I have that I choose to not give away. I admit its hard not to point fingers at all the excess everyone else has, but I have too much. Thank you Lord for these blessings you have given me, how quickly am I to take hold of them as if they are my own, why Lord, my ability to walk, talk, and be loved by an amazing family, is nothing I have earned, but it is a gift from You that is at your disposal to take away. Are you leading me away from my family, I don't know Lord, I cannot peer into your mind for Your thoughts are higher than my thoughts, and that was freaking Isaiah who said that. Who am I to say that, my thoughts can't even comprehend your thought's thoughts. That is how silly I am, and yet you live inside me and use me, and call me "child". Thank you Jesus, for sacrificing yourself for me that I may be called a Child of God!! In this whole process, as I lose muscle, gain weight, get surgery, and fall apart along the way, please extend your grace and forgiveness that I may use this journey for your glory. Your mercy never ceases and you already know how much I am going to mess up and fail you and yet you still chose me from the beginning of time, to love me as your daughter. How cherished am I in your eyes, my father?!? How unworthy am I of your affection and how worthy are you of my devotion! Never cease to amaze me, Holy Spirit, never cease to abound your love and guidance, for your call and direction is so great because there is so much freedom in You Jesus!! Like water to my soul, my heart pants for your love to drown my pain in your love. Nothing dramatic right now, worship music playing in the background, I want to be pursued by this world but You, Jesus, have pursued my heart with an everlasting love that will not be found on earth. I am sorry I am looking to what was for fulfillment when it was never good enough to satisfy my soul. EVER. how quickly am I to revert to my old longings when I see what could have been so happily ever after. I want this but more than that, I want YOU Jesus to be enough, before I go on this journey with someone else.

The Cord

The cord just lay there. I couldn't reach if from my bed as I awkwardly scooted my body closer. "If I could only get a little closer, Then I could reach it", I thought. With my arm outstretched, the only way for that cord to get into my hand was if it came to me. From that point on, I couldn't have attainted it. I did eventually get a hold of it, as it is why I am able to type this, being my e-thernet cord and all. However, how often does my heart inch closer and closer to God thinking, "If I could only get a little closer, then I could reach Him", but Jesus came to me when I was dead in my sins. In this case, He allowed the fibers of my being to reach out to Him as we joined together, as I now live in a new state of mind, living not for myself, for this world, and for internal happiness, but instead I live in light of the eternal, the Was, and Is, and is Yet To Come. Thank You Jesus for overcoming death that I can live eternally free from these things that once bound me, that no longer reign! What a glorious day that I can celebrate with my Lord Jesus Christ, who has set the captives free!!