A better idea

I don't want to write for your eyes. Regardless of your background, where you are in life, I want to love you by being real with my struggles, but I feel like often to open up I must turn from your curious face and look instead to my Maker. Writing to Him allows for a deeper sense of honesty because I know that He sees all of me and still loves me. There is no rejection in the name of Jesus and it is in His name I cling. I do not speak with authority, nor full confidence in my faith, but I do speak as one touched by grace. Once you've spent time dwelling in His goodness there truly is no going back!

Just begun to see, so great a wonder that is found

In the name of the Renowned One

So barely scratched the surface

To understand what true love is

Love that sacrificed so much

Love that reached out, touching lepers

Frail, broken souls,

Unworthy to be made whole

Soft and tender was His gaze

Sweet and everlasting is his face

Those eyes so aware of what was to come

Still reached out those hands to love

Failing, broken people

Loving while most stood still

Not most, but all, depraved we are under the fall

What Adam brought in, Christ has paid for

Ever we are redeemed and called poor

In this world, but rich in God’s mercy

What a beautiful necessity. 

You've been good always.

I love All Sons and Daughters. The name alone brings a needed reminder that I belong to the Father. I am His daughter and He is my Father. How I wish that could resonate so permanently with my soul that nothing could steal its reality from my soul. yet here I am. falling short, again, for the billionth time, overwhelmed with how I was not missional tonight, how all I wanted was for him to glorify me, for him to magnify my name, as if I am worthy of such speech. How majestic is the name of the Lord! Who was and is and is to come. Gosh dang it. I don't want to need a guy. I don't want to feel this way, all dolled up, really enjoying the night, yet longing for something more. I am thankful I was not given the affirmation and glorification I so longed for, yet I still feel guilty that I wasn't enough for him, that he didn't ask me out. whew! man, I am so glad God doesn't give me what I think I want, but it was so hard to not be angry at God. I am so thankful I was called out by a friend, who so blatantly asked me, "Are you angry at your friend for having a guy, or are you angry at God?" yikes. I am embarrassed to admit it but I operate so horrifically often with the mindset that I know better than God. I would make myself thinner, prettier, less awkward, not single, and yet so many of these things are incredible blessings! I am thankful I cannot control the universe and I am thankful I serve a God whose steadfast love has given me eternal life. God has been good. always.