My heart still throbs, it was like breaking up all over again, he is here now. no longer the elusive "there", and I want nothing more than to run away and never come back. but that means giving up so much of what I love, the safety of community I had last summer. when everything was colored in early mornings, long nights, with little light in-between. I FEEL hurt. I FEEL angry. I FEEL anxious. breathe.
step back and analyze how I THINK.
I THINK that God is good. He knows what he is doing and He sent His only begotten Son to be born. It's coming up in four days, actually. Did you KNOW that?! Christ came as a baby boy, a child who was born to the world. It would be nice to wring out every emotional pulse out of my body to create a post that deeply delves into just how I feel, just how badly I am hurting, but I must take a step back. God was with His people in Egypt. They were waiting for a Savior and he came in the form of a man who killed an Egyptian, was unsure about himself and God's plan. It's okay to ask. So I must: Why didn't it work out? even as I'm typing I know the answer. I know that it could never work because I was anxious to no end fearing he would no longer accept me because he was my identity. I was lost and thought I had found someone to save me, to become like a father to me, when what I needed most was Christ, His presence, His peace. Nothing compares to this love, this love grabs attention. breathe.
