I started singing. Revealing, exposing myself through each breathe. The notes were broken, desperate. I tried to flex a muscle that didn't exist- confidence. Love me. Please. Why are you mocking me? He was embarrassed of my clear ignorance of the cost of renting a sound booth. I left hollow. One tap and I'd crack. Not soon after, he was annoyed at my attempt to control him. shattered. "He doesn't even like you. we made out last week." he knew and yet he failed to mention it.
"Harmony sounded off today". idolatry. I so badly wanted to be viewed as the wiser, older, powerful one. nope. exposed as someone who so desperately did everything to have control over everything. failed. by grace.
that look. I knew I had begun in the wrong key but it was too late. I kept singing, horrified at myself as the worship leader looked panicked. I saw his face. Why don't you look on me with affection. IS NOT THIS A PROMISE!? to have guys pursing me!? no. in fact the promises of the Father are deeper, stronger, more meaningful. He has promised me more yet I am stuck shaking my fist for something that is evidence of grace. closed doors. a gift. thank you, Father.
