You've been good always.

I love All Sons and Daughters. The name alone brings a needed reminder that I belong to the Father. I am His daughter and He is my Father. How I wish that could resonate so permanently with my soul that nothing could steal its reality from my soul. yet here I am. falling short, again, for the billionth time, overwhelmed with how I was not missional tonight, how all I wanted was for him to glorify me, for him to magnify my name, as if I am worthy of such speech. How majestic is the name of the Lord! Who was and is and is to come. Gosh dang it. I don't want to need a guy. I don't want to feel this way, all dolled up, really enjoying the night, yet longing for something more. I am thankful I was not given the affirmation and glorification I so longed for, yet I still feel guilty that I wasn't enough for him, that he didn't ask me out. whew! man, I am so glad God doesn't give me what I think I want, but it was so hard to not be angry at God. I am so thankful I was called out by a friend, who so blatantly asked me, "Are you angry at your friend for having a guy, or are you angry at God?" yikes. I am embarrassed to admit it but I operate so horrifically often with the mindset that I know better than God. I would make myself thinner, prettier, less awkward, not single, and yet so many of these things are incredible blessings! I am thankful I cannot control the universe and I am thankful I serve a God whose steadfast love has given me eternal life. God has been good. always.