God of my salvation

Breathe. I forgot to breathe and reflect years ago when the pain was searing. Yet sometimes in life, the moments when we forget to breathe become beautiful opportunities to be rescued with oxygen. Never before have we breathed in with such force, forcefully filling our lungs with as much as we can take because our bodies so desperately needed it for survival. Gasping becomes evidence of life, brutal, painful life, nonetheless, still life. Right now I am trying to imitate this gasping. I can feel myself leaning toward things I know will become idols, things that are good things, gifts that can stir within my soul a deeper joy and delight in Christ. But things that right now are consuming me and stirring within my soul a hope in a certain future I know I cannot claim. Breathe. This time peacefully, still filling my lungs with the same earthly air, yet there is no fear in the breathing because there remains a steadfast assurance in the character of my heavenly Father throughout this. I am embarrassed that I so easily become fixated on guys who promise me a future of happiness because Christ is so much better. Can't you feel that?! no. actually. I can't a lot of the times. He is so "permanent"my heart claims of this new crush. no actually. he is not. What a beautifully mundane gift to write on a Sunday. I love beautifully mundane things that witness to the deep and full intimacy of who Christ is and who the Holy Spirit is and who the Father is! Because in doing so I am able to process these emotions before me and insert my head-knowledge to steer my gaze, my focus upward and outward instead of inward. When I admit sin and shame out loud, to Jesus and to my friends no longer exists this burden of shame. Conviction? absolutely! Praise God for change and transformation! Shame? no longer. See my Father is the God of my salvation because of the blood of Christ shed for me.