Separation

There was once a little girl who was raised by two loving, passionate parents. These parents were passionate about a lot of things and would argue every once in a while. They got matters out in the open, instead of hiding them in the corner. But this little girl didn't understand why her parents fought. It scared her because she was scared her daddy would leave her. Her father was so passionate about things that one day he slammed the refrigerator door so hard all the magnets came tumbling down. All the pictures and art work on display fell with them. The little girl came scurrying in between her parents trying to pick up the magnets, hoping everything would get better. She was so scared her daddy would leave, she thought that if she tried to help he would see that and calm down. This little girl became so scared she would lose her mommy and daddy, she would have nightmares about them dying every time she went to a friend's house to sleep over. She would cry and cry worrying about their safety. She once contemplated sneaking out of her friend's house and walking home to be with her parents.
          This little girl grew up and suddenly one day her nightmare came true. She was in the middle of recorder class in the fourth grade when her teacher suddenly received a phone call. She looked at the girl when the door opened and it was Mrs. Isbell. She had come to pick her up early. The girl's instructions were to go with Mrs. Isbell because my mother needed me at home. She took her recorder book along with her in hopes she would finish coloring in all the letters in the music book, she hated recorder and thought that was a better use of her time. Her sister joined her as Dr. and Mrs. Isbell drove them home. There were cars surrounding the house and her first thought was 'oh we're having a party' and when she saw a police women filling out forms in the driveway she thought 'oh, she is giving someone a ticket'. They came in through the side door, through the laundry room when she saw Dr. Brendan, the school's dean standing in the kitchen. The moment of realization was a feeling she would never forget. It started with screams and then tears and then more screams. She ran into the bathroom and spouted off whatever swear words would come to her head. She ran to the refrigerator drawers and grabbed a coca-cola, the one drink she was not allowed to have, and went outside on the concrete patio. She kept swearing because she was so angry at God for doing this to her. After she finished the coke, but mind she had not cooled down, she went to sit with her mother on the couch in the family room. Her mother could not stop crying and that scared her, the mother was supposed to be the strong one and yet she was weeping. People continued to trickle in, she was surprised by how many people were crying because she wanted to be consoled, she wanted to be held and told that everything was going to be okay. She did receive condolences, but it did not fix the fact that her father was gone. She went up to her room and look up and said 'God give me a sign you're still here'. She looked outside to see two horseback riders just crossing the street outside the house. She broke down in tears. To this day, anytime she sees a horse she is reminded of God's faithfulness and peace in times of trouble. Her friends arrived after school and she tried to impress them with her strength by telling them 'sorry i'm such a cry baby!' They gave her the response she wanted, and expected, 'you're not a cry baby! we're so sorry you lost your dad.' The memory continues into her dream that night. The backyard was gone, bulldozed, but her father was back. She had to return all the stuffed animals, and blankets, and food given to her because of his death and she was mad about it. She wanted all those things back. She was forced to stay home from school the next day, much to her dismay. She wanted everything to go back to normal. She wanted her mother to get remarried as soon as possible and she wanted her friends to not treat her like some charity case. Her memory gets hazy until the funeral which was amazing. She felt like she never even knew her dad with all these stories that were told. Her father touched so many people's lives and she had no idea. The second most haunting part was the open casket viewing. Seeing a dead person will do things to people, but seeing the body, the cold, lifeless, soulless body of someone you love, sucked. There is no other way to put it. The burial was the third and final most haunting part of her father's death. A large machine lowered the brown casket into the ground. The view was gorgeous, but she didn't notice. A rainbow appeared during, or after (she can't remember), the burial and it was yet another sign of God's incredible love for her. No one knew that for some reason a memory had stuck with her all those years of her asking her father 'daddy, what is a rainbow' his answer was 'one day when you're bigger you'll understand'. She understood it, and to this day is fascinated by it because a rainbow is a reflection of raindrops, yet no one sees the same rainbow.
        So how does this all connect with her separation anxiety? It was through losing her father she was able to be aware of just how serious it was. It took her 6 years to finally realize she had the problem and it will be something that will always be with her, but with the help of the Lord it will not be something that hinders her.