mountains

listen, I want to blog, I want to pour out my soul through these fingers upon the keys to convey to a future version of myself the faithful, enduring love of Christ. To remind myself of how I fell crying upon the floor after having seen that car accident, to reassure myself that in those moments of weakness and deep compassion I am reminded in part of how Christ sees his people when, in the midst of chaos, we become too wounded to help ourselves and in desperation cry out to Him for help. Maybe mercy is not what I think it looks like. When I cried out in deep petition for my brothers in Christ for God to have mercy on them as they were loaded into the ambulance, many tears felt stinging in my eyes, imagining the depth of life-changing injuries that they probably sustained. To be rendered helpless almost to the point of immobility by another human being is terrifying, but what if, even if it ended up leading to paralysis, God's mercy would still remain. What if when I cry for God to have mercy upon my soul, it could result in my pain, and further discomfort?! dang. How blessed can this, could this, opportunity to be away from my family for longer than I'd like? What if in the hot tears, the bent knees God's mercy is unfolding itself in those coughed out breaths? Rejoice in the Lord, always. Now, even now, ESPECIALLY now, can I rejoice in the reality that I am drowning in the mercies of my Father. I cannot escape it and praise God from the depths of my soul. Man, if this could be an endless feeling, if I could simply pick up every footstep knowing that circumstance doesn't shift God's mercy further from me, I feel like I could live such a deeper life of gratitude, to be constantly aware of your mercies, Lord, is my prayer and petition to you. Thanksgiving must result because you hear me when I call, and you will respond according to your promises and perfect will. Therefore, I will rejoice in the opportunity to cry brokenhearted tears, to grip each moment with a peace, knowing God saved me, He is good, and His love endures forever. The mountain set before me, idolizing a place I am not yet in, assuming it will fix me, let it be washed away by the continual renewal of your mercy in brokenness and grace in peace.