Another day that I so badly want to return to this space to pen my thoughts and feelings. I'm so grateful for this discreet platform to process the hard, the good, and the beautiful "pink", the in-between that can be so difficult for me. The sunsets and sunrises that show light hitting millions of particles of dust that create such beautiful skies.
Lord, how should I react to this certain situation? I have very little confidence in my ability to love and live a life marked by faith and kindness. I know who I am. I am a cruel, power-hungry, manipulative person apart from the work of the Holy Spirit. I am a scared, busy, frustrated wife who feels like pausing is the equivalent of cutting off her right arm. The entire arm. Blood spurting everywhere as I fight the internal voice yelling at me that I'm a failure because it shouldn't be this difficult and painful if I truly loved Jesus and Michael. I can feel my heart push to my throat because this medium consistently brings up things that I can't articulate with all the noise in my head.
The noise doesn't stop, ever.
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